Reminisce

As I look back at the year of 2007, I finally realize that I ahve been truly blessed for all the turbulence and all the smooth flyin that I have been able to overcome and enjoy. The year of 2007 was a year in where I truly ripped out of my adolescent skin, and finally shown that I can be independednt and self-reiliant. I finally realize that God will always be there for me, "chasing after me with Love and Goodness."
With this in mind, I enter the next year with optimism and greater power. I will look through the hourglass with different spectacles and find that I am a new person, and I am ready to grow and learn, to become something great. Time to set some goals and resolutions for '08.

1. Become an incredible flight instructor
2. Lose weight and become much more muscular
3. Become a little more self-composed and stronger
4. Try to avoid distractions and temptations
5. Stay persistant in dark times
6. Play hard
7. Study harder
8. Be more respectful to my family
9. More grateful for things Ihave
10. Love life at every breath

Goals of 2008 that I promise to hold myself. And if its one thing that works in my life, it is my ability tor each goals after persistaence and hardwork. And another reassurance, I will not falter and I ALWAYS keep my promises.

Back and Forth, and only Back again...

The decisions that I make seem to only cast shadows over me, as I mope with my head down. I let go of the controls, and my instructor is left with the responisibility to fly this gigantic aircraft we call life. We fly into the clouds, without any approach plates and without any knowledge of how to get back to the airport. Lost in depressive conditions, one of the worst situations a pilot can be in. The GPS is malfunctioning, and our instrumens don't match up to the maneuvers and headings we turn to. It seems as though, there is no way we are going to land safely. We are without situational awareness, and I just give up. I gave this aircraft a shot, but I am just exhausted. As a professional pilot that he is, he tries to guide me through his actions. He kept calling up tower on different frequencies, tried to fix the instruments, turned on the pitot heat, and tried restarting the GPS monitor multiple times, while trying to keep his head high, even though it weighs another ton from all the stress and depression. He tries to give me motivation to aid him in troubleshooting this aircraft, even when he is at such a low altitude himself. I can only tell him that I can't right now. I tell him I'll be back in January to fly. I don't know what else to do. So I dial in 7700 on the transponder, call in on 121.5 emergency frequencies and ask for assistance.

A No Go Decision

Fear of failure engulfs my mind, and possibility of sheer disappointment from my instructor and my other loved ones. However, a decision had to be made. Was I going to fly home or fly for my checkride? This question has been itchin at my skin this whole week. And as a Commercial pilot, and a pilot in command, I made it.
I am not going home until the 19th instead of this Friday. This seemed like the best decision for me. I only lived and have been living through my joys and hardships with only one code: persistance. I have finished if I started, and I have never backed down from a challenge at my talents and abilities. It just so happens that this upcoming checkride can sure defnitely phase me, but Iwill not back down. To me I think that going home, knowing that I tried hard and failed, feels a lot better than going home without giving this my all. I had to do it.
Sure I made a ton of sacrifices along the way of making this decsion like being alone on campus, and missing my home. However, this decision is from me, my heart. I will not back down. And no matter what you got my 110%
So its a no go home decision. Instead I will go and test my abilities.

Still... only the Same Question

What the hell am I supposed to do? Forgive my vulgar vernacular, but I cannot help but feeling so angry. One thing that got to me was that finally my instructor and I were able to go fly today. And it was a good flight! I was dodging clouds left to right, up and down, everywhere while trying to find a small patches of blue sky to do maneuvers. I fell within Commercial standards, so I was quite proud.
Of course, there is the "but". I may be able to know how to fly with good precision and accuracy, but I definitely do not know my oral knowledge well enough. Either its my unconfidence or just my serious lack of knowlege, I fear that taking the oral test would be a waste of my time, whether I fail miserably or barely pass by. I don't know...
So here i ask one more time. Should I leve this school, or should I stay and try this out.

Always a PIC Decision: Go or No Go...

As a pilot in command I exercise the right go or no go on a flight. Maybe the weather shows some upcoming convective activity, the plane looks a little shaky, something doesn't feel right, any inclination I may have, I am supposed to make sure that this flight would be safe, even if that means not going.
Flying is my life, and life is my flight. And now I am up coming with a decision.
Situation:
I've been flying for a while now. I've been ready for my checkride since Thanksgiving break. However, lately the weather has just been tormenting. I have not been able to fly for this whole week, and I amy not fly at all for the rest of it. Trick thing is, I'm supposed to depart from here Friday. All I need is one more flight to sign up. If I can't go on this flight, I wouldn't feel ready for my checkride with reassurance. What is the pilot in command's decision? Does he stay for another week with more costs and ungarunteed weather, or does he go home and come back after three weeks to go for the checkride?
Go or no go....

Fatigue...

Slowly, I seem to be running low on energy. Of course, I could easily just drink Monsters and keep myself going, but I cannot afford to get back to addiction on that stuff. So I tried going to church this morning. And today's service seemed to just disappear in my dreaming process. I literally only stayed awake in the songs that I had to stand up and sing in. All the rest of service was sleep. And when I came back I only had a couple of hours to nap before I had to do a simulation flight with my instructor.
I mean, but I had a good time, even though I was rather tired. We shot the GPS approach single-engine, and the ILS approach single-engine, with lost communications, one lost navigation aid, and manual gear extension. Man, it was challenging, however, my instructor thought that I did rather well, which of course made me happy.
But my gosh, I was so tired, and I still am. it must be the lack of sleep I've been getting these past couple of days. And I'm slowl losing motivation to study for my checkride. Hopefully, if I can just let my mind relax for a while, then I may be able to do well tomorrow. Just crossing my fingers.

Let It Snow, Just Let It Go

Today, I just don't feel it. I don't know why. I mean it is such a rewarding day in its own. I just completely balled up my Business Management final. It was disappointingly easy, I'm not complaining though. And then I messed around with my friends a whole bunch, and then I started studying. You know then I tried to relax and get some things out of my mind. There 's just so many little things that just seems to quickly add up, and as a firm believer of the catharsis principle, I love to release aggression through physical pain and stress, like slamming my head through a wall. But I can't not here, definitely not now. Some how I need to maintain my cool. I don't know what it is, but I really need to get over this rage that seems to blind me, and constrict my muscles to tense up and just lose it.
And today, of all the places, in Prescott, Arizona, the sky is snowing. It trickles down from the sky very gently, so serene, and yet my heads still burns of anger, melting away of what seems so peaceful. Cool it down. Just need to let it go, Lord please, just let it snow over my blazing mind.

Waiting for the Weekend

Can't help but wait for the weekend in where I just kick back and relax, as a commercially rated pilot, without a worry in the world. Of course, that only leads to the assumption that I really need a vacation. Yes.. this is true, I feel at times. I mean, yes, I am still motivated at early morings, and I try to balance my time between having fun with my dorm-roomates and friends, and studying those systems of the PA-44 Piper Seminole on top with weather knowledge, privelages of my rating, and some health issues and awareness about pilotage. But I can't help but wait to think that I will ahve a day in wher the hardest thing I have to do that day is wake up from my huge bed back home. Man, I can't wait.
But that day won't come unless I'm rated because I am so damn close. Really I am. Today I finally was able to perform up to standards in the single-engine ILS approach. FINALLY! Really, Steve (my instructor) and I were getting really frustrated to the fact that I knew I can fly the aircraft within Commercial pilot standards; however, it was just this maneuver taht caused us to be hesitant to sign me up and turn in the papers for my check ride.
That weekned will come. I know it will. I mean its so close to winter break for three full weeks of nothing but waking up and watching the tube. But until then, I'ms still pushing and waiting.

Life Is the Best Christmas Gift

So they tell me over a thousand times, more times than my breath could ever amount to in my 18 years of life, they tell me to embrace pain, and cherish challenge. And will I ever beg to differ?
Life is the best Christmas gift ever. Its mountainous amounts of mysteries and troublesome numbers of discomforts only reveal that our persistance for selfish ambition only provides like gasoline to a burning match. Yes and yes again, we are met with forks in our roads to success, and battled with the undying question of why we are here. And of course, we die, so fatefully without possibly ever finding the answer to that question.
However, with that in mind I can only answer with another question. You can't answer it. So then life is but a figment in the universe that we breathe, love, hate, and perish without ever doubting that our life is but a dream, never succumbing to our knees, powerless in a corner, wishing the nightmare away, again only a simple imagination, is it not? Do you not enjoy these seemingly endless years of sleep? Please tell me. All those days that you fought with your sibling, yelled at your parents, scored a touchdown in the championship game, first kiss, eating dinner with your beloved family laughing hysterically, failed an exam, ...can i go on?
Life is a mystery, yes. Why do I live? Why do I deserve this curse and this power? I constantly find myself in wars and endless hours of wishing that I can finally be what I want to be. But where is the fun and joyous spirit in that? Yes, I can think and wonder for ages about why I am here. Or...ha... I can say I'm here because I've been tired for too long. I need to sleep, and wake up when I'm in the ground.
So this Christmas, enjoy it. Love your life as it is. It is the best gift you'll ever get. And only to add to your fun and mystery, I wonder just who in your array of friends and families can turn your life around, and put you back to sleep for another year.

Motivation in the Mist

Lately, I have been studying for a the most difficult test of my life. I am currently applying to be a comrecailly rated pilot in a multi-engine airplane! It is the most exciting,yet difficult part that I have to face. Of course, I said the same when I was applying to be a private pilot and an instrument pilot, however, now it just seems much more. Lately, I 've been chasing this dream away from home, with my new brothers to set as a family. While they play their games and do their thang, I am stuck with trying to ball up my life. I also find that my "love life' has been coming to arise up in my mind more than ever. I guess, you don't miss it until its gone...
Too many distractions. Too many possibilities. And there is one maneuver that has been just killing me. It is the single-engine instrument ILS approach. I don't understand why I am having such a difficult time with it. But its always been that thing that has prevented me from taking my checkride. Man...I've just been pushing so hard. I really need a break I think.
But then again, I refuse to go home until I am commercially rated. I will not leave until I have what I came here for. I promised myself one goal, and taht's to be rated. I start, I finish. And that's what pilots do. We fly even with these stresses and uncomfortable circumstances. It is just how we are. Its my nature. If I come to ball, its a ball game they're gonna get.
So bring it on. Hit me with your best shot. Give me your all. Yeah..I'll fall to pitiful disappointment, down on my knees, crying why. But you don't know me. I will not give up. So please fail me. Please do, I dare you. I'll burn hotter than ever, and you'll see what a pilot can really be.
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An American Gangster

What is the defnition of an American Gangster? Jay-Z's latest album speaks on his life, and how it mirrors his image of an American gangster. Not in one has he said that he "gatted up" foos or has he smoked until he got brain...
Today people think and envision the American gangster as a boy from the hoods that is able to become a Mafia leader. But no. That aint an American gangster. To me, an American gangster is someone, anyone that is able to hustle their own games. Someone who is able to keep it pimpin without the hoes and the weed. Someone who is able to stay true to themselves and achieves miracles everytime they breathe. That is an American gangster.
An American gangster is the student that works harder than the rest of his class. An American gangster is someone who creates masterpieces in her eyes. An American gangster is the one who is able to look up in the sky, and say "Yes, I've been there, ha...I am here." An American gangster is the one that is able to fly, fly higher than thought possible.
So what does that make you?
Are you an American gangster?